Enjoy Where You Are! And Get Rid of All Clocks

Dear Zoe,

I’ve been having an affair with a married women who’s 30 years old I am 28. I try very hard to impress her. Last week I was able to make 158 strokes in 28 minutes of our intercourse. She came once, while I was able to orgasm 2 times. After resting for 24 minutes and having a drink, and taking a piss, she then performed oral on me for 3 minutes, roughly, and I came again after 4 minutes. However today after 230 strokes I only came once and she seemed disinterested in giving me oral. Im worried.

— Limp Bizkit

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Dear Bizkit,

My question to you is, are you actually enjoying sex or are you a human calculator? You appear to be spending far too much time looking at your watch. How can you or your partner possibly enjoy sex if you are so preoccupied with anything but the task at hand, but to be counting thrusts and minutes between sips of tea, is way too much for one man's brain to handle. I suggest you take all clocks out of the room and try hard to enjoy where you are.

Best, Zoe

© 2017 Zoe L. Hansen. All rights reserved.