Realistic Dolls or Hopping On and Off?

Dear Zoe,

I am so tired of women insisting on having an orgasm while engaging in sex. I just want to hop on and off roll over and sleep. Its too much work and I just can’t be bothered.

Is there any nice simple girl out there who’d be happy to lie there and let me do my thing and service my needs, and leave it alone at that? I’m not into hookers because they seem so indifferent to my feelings.

— Tired in Washington


Dear Tired,

It took me all of a second to know the right way to respond to you. Go to your local sex shop and purchase a sex doll. You can even buy a very realistic replica of various porn stars' vaginas. Theres a huge market for realistic dolls that can be used for sex; obviously they won't take orders from you, as they are just … plastic.

If it's truly too much work to enjoy a sexual experience with a live person you might want to check how much sleep you are getting, or masturbation might be the way to go.

Best, Zoe

© 2017 Zoe L. Hansen. All rights reserved.